Another staple of the Scottish Buddhist Diet is the Monstrosity at Mike's Chili in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. The Monstrosity is a grilled cheese sandwich with a hot dog on top (butterflied), smothered in chili with onion, cheese and jalepenoes. The Monstrosity is not on the menu, and it probably never will be. The Monstrosity came to me in a dream, is best made by Steve on a weeknight, and was named by Mariah who no longer works there. If you're not local to Ballard here's how to make it at home (though it's not quite as good)-

Homemade Monstrosity

Needed:
Butter
2 Onions
Garlic
2 pounds ground beef
1 can of tomato paste
2 fresh tomatoes, diced
Green pepper, diced
Bag of kidney beans
Chili paste
Tabasco
Salt and pepper
Zantac
Hot dogs
Bread (get the sourdough)
Cheddar cheese
Jalepeno Soak the beans overnight. I know cans are easier, but we're not animals, are we?

Prepare the Pot (see page 18)

Add the tomato paste, diced tomato, tabasco, more garlic, another onion, and some chili paste to the crock pot. Turn the pot to Low.

Brown and drain the beef. Add to the pot. Cook for 4-6 hours.

About an hour before preparing the hot dogs and grilled cheese, add the kidney beans and take a double dose of Zantac.

Grill the hot dogs and cheese sandwiches. Butterfly the hot dogs, put on top of the sandwiches, cover with chili, and add freshly grated cheddar cheese, chopped onion and chopped jalepeno.


Suggested beverage: Redhook ESB, merlot (good for the heart).