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Carnitas are so good, I once made them for almost two years straight.
Needed-
Butter
Onion
Garlic
Pork loin
Orange
Refried beans
Extra sharp cheddar
cheese
Jalapenos, pickled
Flour tortillas
Sour cream
Hot sauce
Cinnamon
Cilantro, guacamole,
salsa or whatever else you might put in your carnitas
Prepare the Pot (see page 18)
When the pot is ready,
add the pork. Sprinkle in some cinnamon, poke the hell out of the orange and
add to the pot. Cook for a couple hours on High
and then at least another 4 hours on Low.
Empty a can of refried
beans into a pan and cover it with cheese. Cook in the oven until the cheese
starts to get crispy. Warm the tortillas, even if it’s just by putting them in
foil on top of the crock pot. Tortillas are better warm.
Suggested beverage- Pike
Place Pale Ale.
Another staple of the Scottish Buddhist Diet is the Monstrosity at
Mike's Chili in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. The Monstrosity is
a grilled cheese sandwich with a hot dog on top (butterflied),
smothered in chili with onion, cheese and jalepenoes.
The Monstrosity is not on the menu, and it probably never will be. The Monstrosity came to me in
a dream, is best made by Steve on a weeknight, and was named by Mariah
who no longer works there. If you're not local to Ballard here's how to make it at home (though it's not quite as good)-
Homemade Monstrosity
Needed-
Butter
2 Onions
Garlic
2 pounds ground beef
1 can of tomato paste
2 fresh tomatoes, diced
Green pepper, diced
Bag of kidney beans
Chili paste
Tabasco
Salt and pepper
Zantac
Hot dogs
Bread (get the sourdough)
Cheddar cheese
Jalepenoes
Soak the beans overnight. I know cans are easier, but we're not animals, are we?
Prepare the Pot (see page 18)
Add the tomato paste, diced tomato, tabasco, more garlic, another onion, and some chili paste to the crock pot. Turn the pot to Low.
Brown and drain the beef. Add to the pot. Cook for 4-6 hours.
About an hour before preparing the hot dogs and grilled cheese, add the kidney beans and take a double dose of Zantac.
Grill the hot dogs and cheese sandwiches. Butterfly the hot dogs,
put on top of the sandwiches, cover with chili, and add freshly grated
cheddar cheese, chopped onion and chopped jalepeno.
A year
after my wife and I moved to Seattle I got a shop and set up a boat business.
Next door was a wood shop owned by a guy named Dave and I loved him
immediately, like an older brother. The first place he took me to in Ballard was
Mike’s Chili Parlor and we went there every Saturday for lunch.
Dave’s not around
anymore but I still try to go there once a week. Have some chili and a couple
beers and do the NY Times crossword puzzle like we used to do.
The second place
Dave took me in Ballard was just a standard beer and burgers kind of place and
when we sat down at the bar, he made a production of ordering his beer. He was
very adamant that his beer be served in a stem glass and even asked to look at
what kinds they had.
The busy
bartender had little patience for Dave, but poured off half a beer in a wineglass
while rolling her eyes.
Dave downed his
beer and began to teach me (his new little brother) an important lesson.
He looked around
the bar and said, “If you ever have a problem with some asshole in a place like
this, that beer glass ain’t gonna help ya. Always drink your beer from a stem
glass because if shit goes down you need a weapon. Just break off the base of
your glass like this…” he mocked breaking off the base of his wine glass by
hitting it on the bar on an angle, “and JAMMING IT INTO THEIR FUCKING THROAT
LIKE THIS- AAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!!!”
I suggested that
maybe if he weren’t drinking his beer out of a wineglass there would be less
need to defend yourself, but he just tapped on the side of his head and told me
I might use this information one day.
And he was right!
Our neighborhood was
mostly small shops and a couple abandoned houses. They were about to demolish
one of these old house so Dave and a couple other shop owners went inside to
see if there was anything still in there.
There wasn’t much
other than some golf clubs and some figurines, but Dave got excited and thought
the figurines might actually be worth something so he went back to his shop to
see if he could find some information in one of his books (he had a remarkable
amount of books in his wood shop) and made a couple phone calls.
He came back a
half hour later with a book in his hand all excited only to find Bill and Brian
practicing their golf swings on rocks, now that the figurines were gone.
“YOU WRECKED
‘EM!!” Dave yelled.
"Now, Dave,” Bill
said, “there’s no need for name calling.”
And up until his
death, whenever Dave messed something up we would yell- YOU RECTUM!!
Nobody’s sure but
we all think he never got the joke.
Suggested
beverages- Mac n Jack’s at Mike’s, Guinness at home.
Meatloaf
The first meal I mastered in the crock pot.
Needed-
Butter
Onions
Garlic
5 pounds ground beef
2 pieces of toast
6 eggs
Oregano, if you have it
Salt and pepper
Cheddar cheese
Precooked bacon
Heinz catsup
Prepare the Pot (see page 18)
Chop up the second onion
and some more garlic and add to a large bowl.
Wash your hands again,
remove the lid from the crock pot, and stir the butter, onion and garlic around
the pot, buttering the sides.
Add in the ground beef,
eggs, toast, oregano (if you have it), and salt and pepper to the large bowl.
Mix together well, lift out of the bowl, bouncing it around to pack it all
together, and drop it into the crock pot. Press the center down making it
concave. This will help later. Turn the pot to Low and cook for 4 hours.
Remove the coagulated
fat and grease and turn the pot to High for 2 hours.
Remove more fat and
grease, and add the bacon, cheese and catsup, and cook on Low for a couple more hours.
Serve with chilled
catsup.
Suggested beverage-
Fremont Universale Pale in a can.
